piece of mind

20 Sep

The Idul Fitri holiday was over. The schools are noisy again. The children are back with memories of their holiday which I wonder, was it pretty or not. Visited grandparents, cousins, uncle and aunties, or had a family trip to the beaches must be nice. But I was concerned when I found some children complained about their holiday, that they could not enjoy it freely because they felt burdened.


It was an evening when a friend and his daughter visited me. Our first one hour conversation was okay until her daughter suddenly whimpered to go home early. I thought it was because they had a family occasion that evening, but then he told me that it was about the home works.

“It is very absurd and unreasonable,” he said.

Then I remember my sister who always put her home works on my table and asked me to do all of them since she was in elementary school until today, when she’s already in the eleventh grade. From year to year, I often saw her worrying her home works instead of enjoying her holiday. “My school and teachers are just crazy. They gave us home works for all of the subjects. Do they think that I am a robot?”

I, myself, also experienced that. But if it is compared, mine was much way easier and not as much as my sisters or my friend’s daughter. It was maybe the education curriculum in my period was easier than nowadays. One time, my mother–who was a mathematic’s teacher for a junior high school–commented on the curriculum when she read my sister’s text books. She said that the curriculum had changed a lot and the tasks became more and more difficult. When I shared the story to my friend, he agreed.

“If the school want to give a holiday to the kids, just give it. I think there is no need, at all, to burden them with all of those work sheets,” he said.

I still don’t understand why most of all schools, both private and public, maintain the holiday-home works from years to years. I thought maybe it’s like a tradition in Indonesian education system or formally written in some document as a school’s duty. For both of the possibilities I mentioned, I think there is an urgently need to re-consider this tradition or behavior. Because if the point is about to apply discipline of study to the students, I don’t think that it’s a nice and wise way.

Children in Indonesia usually go to elementary school in the age of five or six. There, they study the given subjects from Monday to Friday, and the teachers often give home works during the school days. Considering all of those duties, why don’t the school let the children have their freedom during the holiday?

Like the teachers who are in their holiday, off from their daily duty taking care of plenty children, I think the children have the same right to enjoy their life, without too many kind of school attributes. I believe, the children are not going to be stupid just because they do not touch their work sheets and text books for several days. I discussed this topic with some friends, both single and married. All of them are agreed that this condition is quite apprehensive.

Although the fifth or third or fourth grader are smarter than the adults, they’re still children who need different kind of brain treatment and stimulation. Instead of giving them fraction or English grammar work sheets during holiday, why don’t the schools give them an assignment to write a diary during the holiday. Or, being more innovative by giving assignment to the students to create and construct art works or any kind of installation, depend on their ideas.

Still, we will never know what freedom-of-thinking can bring. Who knows that after the holiday, a student will come to his/her teacher with a climber robot or pages of papers that contain an idea for algebra-answering-machine. Maybe, when the situation goes like that, the children will be happier when they have to go back to school again. There will be no fear, shame, and worry of punishment from the teacher because they couldn’t complete all of the home works.

Despite of my annoyance to the condition I mentioned above and generally to Indonesian education system, I still hope that the situation will change. The sooner the better. Because what I understand so far, this country has a future goals to give birth to the good quality young generation, physically and mentally. But if the situation never change–prepare, Indonesia, for a depressive generation.


That evening, I and my friend canceled our meeting with another friend because the whimper was getting louder. My friend could do nothing more but took his daughter home. While wrapping some books he borrowed, he said something amusing. “I don’t pay the education to torture my daughter, do i?”


the 4th homemade scarf for a special little girl

8 Sep

after a home mad scarf for the father, the next scarf goes to the daughter. i was planning to give it to Putri before she went back to Medan. but i was too late. i couldn`t finish the scarf before she left (and i don`t think that she`ll like the color… do you like it, Nyutri?).


this 4th homemade, i used the thinnest yarn i could find in my best friend`s collection  and 2 mm needle. it smalls, it sharps, it feels good in my hand, although it`s kinda scary for some people to see me holding sharp things like needle and knives :p


this pink scarf will be with my most favorite little girl ever, soon. i hope she`ll like it and i hope i can buy some green yarns to make another scarf for her (i just found that she likes green). this little girl, i maybe don`t know her that deep but in my heart, she does have her place. looking at her, for me, is like looking at a mirror. she reflects my life a loads.

i often feel like i want to lay my head down on her lap. to feel the calmness and sincerity of a child.

super happy for this collaborative work

8 Sep

for the last five days, i and Ra did decoration on blank bamboo whirligig from a friend whom run some kind of crafts business. he gave us fifty. we took it. first thought, it`s kind of easy work. but then, it`s completely not (or maybe it is just me who take it so serious).

we decorated the whirligig with aboriginal pattern which really took time and asked an extra patient from both of us to make the dots. it wasn`t really good, because in the same time, i had my period (which turned my emotion upside down). and my bestie`s little boy … oh … he`s in the age of supernaughty period. luckily, Ra could handle him. well, he knows it better because they are boys, eh?

but after five days, the work was finally done. done! we`re quite satisfied with what we did and got an idea to do the same thing on different media like glass or bottle. hopefully we`ll have enough money to buy the materials after lebaran. below are some selected pictures of our works:

the waves

this is one of my favorite pattern. Ra did the basic outline and i did the dots. i love the way i and he work together. kinda cute.

Ra's favorite snake

my design

i realized, very much that we have extreme difference. he can draw or paint so mature while i can`t, at all. i`d love to draw/paint some mature images (i want it so much) but really, i always failed. i would always end up with childish images, painting, whatever, even lines. yea, i can`t draw a straight line. by compare the two pictures above, i don`t need to explain more, eh?

one of our most favorite

yes. this dragonfly is one of our most favorite images. Ra made the outline then i did the dots. we agreed, that the dragonfly is good! well, if he didn`t say that, i didn`t mind to scratch him.

mine besides Ra`s

i`m sure anyone know which one is my work and which one is Ra`s. it maybe fugly but at least he said it`s good, it`s deep. when i asked him to help with it, he didn`t want to. he said, do it yourself because your design is very personal. ouch, he understood. he`s right. it`s personal. i put myself in that poor little girl with gray feet and eye. to make the whirligig story a little bit happy, let`s just say that she wants the bottles on that another whirligig. those bottles are designed by Ra and i put a title on them: poisonous bottles (hm, maybe i miss alcohol a little bit).


i`m so tired. i couldn`t sleep when they`re still blank. if i slept, i would dream of them. and yesterday i felt so calm after finishing them (alone. Ra didn`t come to help because it was raining all day. fucked up weather).

fifty whirligig are ready to be sold. hopefully our friend will like it and also his buyers. i don`t mind to decorate another crafts, er… :p

last but not least, the work was great. i love the way i and Ra work together. it was always fun. no tension. so sweet when we could laugh at each other when our dots were broken. the designs we made are inspiring. i listened to the colorful dots along the work. they told me about beauty in simplicity, and sincerity. hee…

photographs by samaya

the earth and the sun

3 Sep

i never know how to count this relationship. it`s been a year and it feels complete. i sometimes still laugh when i remember how social life of facebook and cosmos managed themselves to match us.


it all started with a name and comments. then it`s getting deeper with the notes and the tags. then it`s getting more and more deeper with facebook chat, phone number exchange, and a meeting in a coffee stall in june last year. the thought that we would just end up like casual friend like i and another facebook friends is totally wrong. although there was nothing significant happened during our first meeting, the universe, the cosmos, seemed to have another plan for us. the day he left for Bali is the beginning for everything.

and the everything began from texts. started from simple text about how are you and how the trip is. my texts were his companion on the train and his texts are my companion for my boring nights and days. then when i thought that the texts would end up somehow, at a time, when he already arrived in Bali and back to his work, was totally wrong, again.

we kept continuing the text. no phone call. just text and ping pong poems. sometimes shared our daily activities, feelings, hopes, dreams, or text absurd stuffs. at those moments, i was still with my fucked up girlfriend who betrayed me three times in a year and i still gave her chances to (at least) change her bad behavior for her own sake. still, i felt there was no love between me and him (or maybe it was just me who was too stupid to realize it).

after about a month texted each other, i had to go to Boyolali for about two months to fulfill one of my study requirement. i was still in a long distance gay relationship and i and him kept texting each other and getting deeper each day. til one day, an afternoon at the riverside of Progo, i talked to a friend about my messed up gay relationship–how i couldn`t forgive my girlfriend and bla bla bla and this friend was amazed to my experience in the gay period. yea, two years in a shallow lesbian world was totally insane and to be honest, it was sick. sick. sick. but well, it was a period in life that i must did. kind of adventure, somehow.

but this one. this one isn`t adventure. i will call this love and happiness–two things that take me to the most impossible adventures (at least the impossibles for me because for Ra, he`s been through loads of adventures in his life).¬† the journeys, the experiences, are sometimes unbelievable. and are annoying sometimes (especially when we`re lost in a middle of nowhere). but when i think that it was the last, i began to miss it again and again. i dunno if i can categorize it as an addiction to ‘being lost’. but oh, i must thank god for the lost-lost thingy because it already gave me so much inspiration for my works and also people who usually end up as our family–this fact assure me that family isn`t only and always about blood but more about understanding and acceptance. note that.

back to the weird relationship. that afternoon i called my girlfriend, dumped her, and for the first time in two years, i felt free. i found myself again. and the texts were still continued. one month was okay. getting closer to the next month, it wasn`t okay. i decided to go to Bali to see him because the texts were not enough again. i bought a bus ticket, and the next day we saw each other again at Ubung. uh waw. hai.

since that day, i met him for like everyday until today. it really tortured me when i had to go to outside Java. i would miss the journeys a lot, our conversation, the warmth, and the intimacy. i realized that i am someone with a loads of lacks but when we`re together, i feel very complete. the relationship isn`t always about lovey-dovey. we are more than that. we can work together like painting or creating something. and i`m glad that we have many same interests and he never complained about my habit talking-talking with spirits. happy!

i don`t mind when we`re in the lack of money. well. i think it`s a process in everyone`s life. our togetherness and openness are important. like or dislike, being lost in the middle of nowhere and visiting new places are things that bring happiness to me. for Ra, it maybe something else. but for me, at least the journeys and our experiences influence my work a lot. the longer we`re together, i can accept more and more sincere that my life is about the journey (but still, i need my own place to rest).

he went home just a couple hours ago and i already miss him. that`s why i write this post. he will not read this, but there is no problem to write an ending like this: Ra, i love you. hugs.


the macrolust finished her 3rd homemade scarf for Ra

30 Aug

the hum and the scarf

made with love


i thought my first home making would be for Ra but it didn`t. this one is for him. i made it in his favorite colors, black and red. there`s nine lines, just like the number of his birth day.

i couldn`t give him the scarf last night because he went home earlier so i got more time to put some details in his scarf and used myself to be the model then play with my macrolust a little bit (gah. i love the yarn`s detail). this isn`t only a present for you, Ra. i hope you`re not gonna masuk angin too often anymore by wearing this scarf.

beloved.life partner

xxx.love you

2nd homemade scarf with pom-pom

29 Aug



my second experiment. love the thin yarn a lot. i finished it this afternoon and already gave it to my bestie. she wears it as a belt. and oh, i added some cute white details, pom-pom :p

here it is



photographs by samaya

sorry seems to be the hardest word

28 Aug

manjali dan cakrabirawa

for someone who admires Saman and Larung then enjoy reading Bilangan Fu, i am now feel very sad bot h disappointed to this sequel of Bilangan Fu, Manjali dan Cakrabirawa.

from the title, i was thinking the story will be awesome because for me, it sounds so powerful and sexy (i like those kind of names). but when i read the first chapter, oh la la, i know i am not going to give this book many stars.

personally, i am disappointed because Ayu totally destroyed Marja`s character which i found really good and tough in Bilangan Fu. how could she became such an annoying pampered teenager. the next part of the book which made me frown is when Ayu wrote, “Gerwani sepayung dengan PKI”. i think it`s totally a mistake because Gerwani was more like “satu haluan” with PKI.

in Bilangan Fu, i found that she was quite success with her spiritualism whatever construction then i`m lost in the sequel. i don`t know where this novel will take me–whether because i read some good books previously, or quoting my best friend that the issues are familiar to us, or whatever.

as an adventure story, this isn`t feel so much like that. Donal Bebek is more adventurous. i`m so much bothered about the portion. the adventures to the temples or cliffs or forest and so on are so little. but she gave so much space for Marja to explore and express her feeling–love or lust, i don`t know, til i think that MAYBE, Marja is her alterego.

compared to Saman, Larung, and Bilangan Fu, Manjali and Cakrabirawa is SO FLAT. the characters are shallow and even as a pop novel, lighter story, it is failed. again, i am sorry to be cynical, but the novel feels a little bit too much and what, lebay?

my best friend pushed me to read this novel. i don`t know because i`m going to travel to some archaeological sites in East Java or to share her pain because this novel. but yeah, i still believe that there is still a goodness in every annoying stuff. at least, i foundreferences of places in East Java like Belahan Temple and some others that i haven`t write on my note yet.

i used to admire Ayu Utami but i have to say a big sorry, this is the worst book with a worst ending i ever read for the last one year.