the earth and the sun

3 Sep

i never know how to count this relationship. it`s been a year and it feels complete. i sometimes still laugh when i remember how social life of facebook and cosmos managed themselves to match us.


it all started with a name and comments. then it`s getting deeper with the notes and the tags. then it`s getting more and more deeper with facebook chat, phone number exchange, and a meeting in a coffee stall in june last year. the thought that we would just end up like casual friend like i and another facebook friends is totally wrong. although there was nothing significant happened during our first meeting, the universe, the cosmos, seemed to have another plan for us. the day he left for Bali is the beginning for everything.

and the everything began from texts. started from simple text about how are you and how the trip is. my texts were his companion on the train and his texts are my companion for my boring nights and days. then when i thought that the texts would end up somehow, at a time, when he already arrived in Bali and back to his work, was totally wrong, again.

we kept continuing the text. no phone call. just text and ping pong poems. sometimes shared our daily activities, feelings, hopes, dreams, or text absurd stuffs. at those moments, i was still with my fucked up girlfriend who betrayed me three times in a year and i still gave her chances to (at least) change her bad behavior for her own sake. still, i felt there was no love between me and him (or maybe it was just me who was too stupid to realize it).

after about a month texted each other, i had to go to Boyolali for about two months to fulfill one of my study requirement. i was still in a long distance gay relationship and i and him kept texting each other and getting deeper each day. til one day, an afternoon at the riverside of Progo, i talked to a friend about my messed up gay relationship–how i couldn`t forgive my girlfriend and bla bla bla and this friend was amazed to my experience in the gay period. yea, two years in a shallow lesbian world was totally insane and to be honest, it was sick. sick. sick. but well, it was a period in life that i must did. kind of adventure, somehow.

but this one. this one isn`t adventure. i will call this love and happiness–two things that take me to the most impossible adventures (at least the impossibles for me because for Ra, he`s been through loads of adventures in his life).  the journeys, the experiences, are sometimes unbelievable. and are annoying sometimes (especially when we`re lost in a middle of nowhere). but when i think that it was the last, i began to miss it again and again. i dunno if i can categorize it as an addiction to ‘being lost’. but oh, i must thank god for the lost-lost thingy because it already gave me so much inspiration for my works and also people who usually end up as our family–this fact assure me that family isn`t only and always about blood but more about understanding and acceptance. note that.

back to the weird relationship. that afternoon i called my girlfriend, dumped her, and for the first time in two years, i felt free. i found myself again. and the texts were still continued. one month was okay. getting closer to the next month, it wasn`t okay. i decided to go to Bali to see him because the texts were not enough again. i bought a bus ticket, and the next day we saw each other again at Ubung. uh waw. hai.

since that day, i met him for like everyday until today. it really tortured me when i had to go to outside Java. i would miss the journeys a lot, our conversation, the warmth, and the intimacy. i realized that i am someone with a loads of lacks but when we`re together, i feel very complete. the relationship isn`t always about lovey-dovey. we are more than that. we can work together like painting or creating something. and i`m glad that we have many same interests and he never complained about my habit talking-talking with spirits. happy!

i don`t mind when we`re in the lack of money. well. i think it`s a process in everyone`s life. our togetherness and openness are important. like or dislike, being lost in the middle of nowhere and visiting new places are things that bring happiness to me. for Ra, it maybe something else. but for me, at least the journeys and our experiences influence my work a lot. the longer we`re together, i can accept more and more sincere that my life is about the journey (but still, i need my own place to rest).

he went home just a couple hours ago and i already miss him. that`s why i write this post. he will not read this, but there is no problem to write an ending like this: Ra, i love you. hugs.



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