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the 4th homemade scarf for a special little girl

8 Sep

after a home mad scarf for the father, the next scarf goes to the daughter. i was planning to give it to Putri before she went back to Medan. but i was too late. i couldn`t finish the scarf before she left (and i don`t think that she`ll like the color… do you like it, Nyutri?).


this 4th homemade, i used the thinnest yarn i could find in my best friend`s collection  and 2 mm needle. it smalls, it sharps, it feels good in my hand, although it`s kinda scary for some people to see me holding sharp things like needle and knives :p


this pink scarf will be with my most favorite little girl ever, soon. i hope she`ll like it and i hope i can buy some green yarns to make another scarf for her (i just found that she likes green). this little girl, i maybe don`t know her that deep but in my heart, she does have her place. looking at her, for me, is like looking at a mirror. she reflects my life a loads.

i often feel like i want to lay my head down on her lap. to feel the calmness and sincerity of a child.


super happy for this collaborative work

8 Sep

for the last five days, i and Ra did decoration on blank bamboo whirligig from a friend whom run some kind of crafts business. he gave us fifty. we took it. first thought, it`s kind of easy work. but then, it`s completely not (or maybe it is just me who take it so serious).

we decorated the whirligig with aboriginal pattern which really took time and asked an extra patient from both of us to make the dots. it wasn`t really good, because in the same time, i had my period (which turned my emotion upside down). and my bestie`s little boy … oh … he`s in the age of supernaughty period. luckily, Ra could handle him. well, he knows it better because they are boys, eh?

but after five days, the work was finally done. done! we`re quite satisfied with what we did and got an idea to do the same thing on different media like glass or bottle. hopefully we`ll have enough money to buy the materials after lebaran. below are some selected pictures of our works:

the waves

this is one of my favorite pattern. Ra did the basic outline and i did the dots. i love the way i and he work together. kinda cute.

Ra's favorite snake

my design

i realized, very much that we have extreme difference. he can draw or paint so mature while i can`t, at all. i`d love to draw/paint some mature images (i want it so much) but really, i always failed. i would always end up with childish images, painting, whatever, even lines. yea, i can`t draw a straight line. by compare the two pictures above, i don`t need to explain more, eh?

one of our most favorite

yes. this dragonfly is one of our most favorite images. Ra made the outline then i did the dots. we agreed, that the dragonfly is good! well, if he didn`t say that, i didn`t mind to scratch him.

mine besides Ra`s

i`m sure anyone know which one is my work and which one is Ra`s. it maybe fugly but at least he said it`s good, it`s deep. when i asked him to help with it, he didn`t want to. he said, do it yourself because your design is very personal. ouch, he understood. he`s right. it`s personal. i put myself in that poor little girl with gray feet and eye. to make the whirligig story a little bit happy, let`s just say that she wants the bottles on that another whirligig. those bottles are designed by Ra and i put a title on them: poisonous bottles (hm, maybe i miss alcohol a little bit).


i`m so tired. i couldn`t sleep when they`re still blank. if i slept, i would dream of them. and yesterday i felt so calm after finishing them (alone. Ra didn`t come to help because it was raining all day. fucked up weather).

fifty whirligig are ready to be sold. hopefully our friend will like it and also his buyers. i don`t mind to decorate another crafts, er… :p

last but not least, the work was great. i love the way i and Ra work together. it was always fun. no tension. so sweet when we could laugh at each other when our dots were broken. the designs we made are inspiring. i listened to the colorful dots along the work. they told me about beauty in simplicity, and sincerity. hee…

photographs by samaya

the earth and the sun

3 Sep

i never know how to count this relationship. it`s been a year and it feels complete. i sometimes still laugh when i remember how social life of facebook and cosmos managed themselves to match us.


it all started with a name and comments. then it`s getting deeper with the notes and the tags. then it`s getting more and more deeper with facebook chat, phone number exchange, and a meeting in a coffee stall in june last year. the thought that we would just end up like casual friend like i and another facebook friends is totally wrong. although there was nothing significant happened during our first meeting, the universe, the cosmos, seemed to have another plan for us. the day he left for Bali is the beginning for everything.

and the everything began from texts. started from simple text about how are you and how the trip is. my texts were his companion on the train and his texts are my companion for my boring nights and days. then when i thought that the texts would end up somehow, at a time, when he already arrived in Bali and back to his work, was totally wrong, again.

we kept continuing the text. no phone call. just text and ping pong poems. sometimes shared our daily activities, feelings, hopes, dreams, or text absurd stuffs. at those moments, i was still with my fucked up girlfriend who betrayed me three times in a year and i still gave her chances to (at least) change her bad behavior for her own sake. still, i felt there was no love between me and him (or maybe it was just me who was too stupid to realize it).

after about a month texted each other, i had to go to Boyolali for about two months to fulfill one of my study requirement. i was still in a long distance gay relationship and i and him kept texting each other and getting deeper each day. til one day, an afternoon at the riverside of Progo, i talked to a friend about my messed up gay relationship–how i couldn`t forgive my girlfriend and bla bla bla and this friend was amazed to my experience in the gay period. yea, two years in a shallow lesbian world was totally insane and to be honest, it was sick. sick. sick. but well, it was a period in life that i must did. kind of adventure, somehow.

but this one. this one isn`t adventure. i will call this love and happiness–two things that take me to the most impossible adventures (at least the impossibles for me because for Ra, he`s been through loads of adventures in his life).  the journeys, the experiences, are sometimes unbelievable. and are annoying sometimes (especially when we`re lost in a middle of nowhere). but when i think that it was the last, i began to miss it again and again. i dunno if i can categorize it as an addiction to ‘being lost’. but oh, i must thank god for the lost-lost thingy because it already gave me so much inspiration for my works and also people who usually end up as our family–this fact assure me that family isn`t only and always about blood but more about understanding and acceptance. note that.

back to the weird relationship. that afternoon i called my girlfriend, dumped her, and for the first time in two years, i felt free. i found myself again. and the texts were still continued. one month was okay. getting closer to the next month, it wasn`t okay. i decided to go to Bali to see him because the texts were not enough again. i bought a bus ticket, and the next day we saw each other again at Ubung. uh waw. hai.

since that day, i met him for like everyday until today. it really tortured me when i had to go to outside Java. i would miss the journeys a lot, our conversation, the warmth, and the intimacy. i realized that i am someone with a loads of lacks but when we`re together, i feel very complete. the relationship isn`t always about lovey-dovey. we are more than that. we can work together like painting or creating something. and i`m glad that we have many same interests and he never complained about my habit talking-talking with spirits. happy!

i don`t mind when we`re in the lack of money. well. i think it`s a process in everyone`s life. our togetherness and openness are important. like or dislike, being lost in the middle of nowhere and visiting new places are things that bring happiness to me. for Ra, it maybe something else. but for me, at least the journeys and our experiences influence my work a lot. the longer we`re together, i can accept more and more sincere that my life is about the journey (but still, i need my own place to rest).

he went home just a couple hours ago and i already miss him. that`s why i write this post. he will not read this, but there is no problem to write an ending like this: Ra, i love you. hugs.


the macrolust finished her 3rd homemade scarf for Ra

30 Aug

the hum and the scarf

made with love


i thought my first home making would be for Ra but it didn`t. this one is for him. i made it in his favorite colors, black and red. there`s nine lines, just like the number of his birth day.

i couldn`t give him the scarf last night because he went home earlier so i got more time to put some details in his scarf and used myself to be the model then play with my macrolust a little bit (gah. i love the yarn`s detail). this isn`t only a present for you, Ra. i hope you`re not gonna masuk angin too often anymore by wearing this scarf. partner you

amazingly mi ongklok

28 Aug

tempe kemul

mi ongklok

sate sapi


what so nice about a journey?

me and Ra agree about this: food. four letters that always complete everything, wherever we are, whatever the food is.

back to a couple months ago, we went to Wonosobo to check the house and paid the PDAM bill. we agreed, before we went back to Jogja, we would find mi ongklok to fulfill my lust to the sticky noodle. i told him that i saw a mi ongklok restaurant near an intersection of the town when i was on my way there. he was ok, since he also loves food.

there we go. waited for the rain to stop but it didn`t stop, we decided to leave for Jogja with raincoat. near the intersection, we stopped at Warung Mi Ongklok Pak Muhadi. since the first time, i already sensed that the warung is good (god blessed me with this special ability).

we ordered complete mi ongklok, with sate sapi. while waiting, Ra and  i enjoyed tempe kemul (fried tempe in flour and sliced green onion) and another snack made from cassava with a glass of hot tea and coffee. damn good, man.

after about fifteen minutes, the waiter came to us with two heavenly bowl of mi ongklok and two bowls of sate sapi.

for years, mi ongklok is known as the popular food of wonosobo. it contains sticky half cooked-noodles, sliced green onions and lettuce (we can put chili also if we desired), then it is poured with very soft peanut sauce and little fried onion to enrich the taste. last but not least, it is fuckin good to be eaten with ten sticks of sate sapi, in a rainy day!

while waiting for the rain to stop, Ra shared a story of his childhood about a joke of mi ongklok. the adults built a mythology that said that too much sticky noodle could damage their colon–its more because the parents couldn`t spend all of their money for the super delicious mi ongklok. i don`t even mind to eat five bowls of it as long as my tummy doesn`t mind.

just a few days ago, a friend of mine from Banyumas told me about where i can try mi ongklok beside Pak Muhadi. she said there is an Ongklok Restaurant near Bank BNI in the town. that night, i promised myself to go there as soon as possible for the noodle. i don`t know where i can find it in Jogja and even if i find one, i`m not sure that the taste will be original.

the sky was getting darker. we had to continue the journey. sadly, i paid the bill. it costed about Rp.32.000 (worth it!) and a couple minutes later, we we`re back on the motorbike, made our way back to Jogja. understand my passion of food, he held my hand and said,

“yes dear, we’re going to be back again.”

no doubt. because mi ongklok is one must item in my life.

Winongo-Opak-Opak-Oyo with Ra

26 Aug

his hair

we are

the first photo is his hair. it was a hot afternoon and we sat by the meeting point of Winongo and Opak, close to Parangtritis. he`s so in love with the rivers then he often takes me to the rivers. we usually only sitting on the stone, commenting the rapids and the views surround it. talking, smoking, and kissing (if its possible why not). while i`m taking photographs, he will explore the rivers and i usually put him in my frame, secretly.

the second photo is our shadow. it was a morning at the meeting point of Opak and Oyo, around Imogiri. after some cigarettes and finished our breakfast, we talked to a farmer who gave us information, that the episentrum of Jogja earthquake 2006 was there and he showed us some part of the ground that vanished because of the quake. the area has became a tourist spot nowadays. people (fortunately not too much), keep coming–whether to enjoy the beauty of nature or to listen to the sound ‘jlung jlung jlung!’ from the river. my boyfriend and the farmer said, it is because of the crack of the stones which created very dangerous caves in the depth of the river. people around the area believe that the caves is connected directly to the Hindia Ocean. so when somebody lost there, his/her corpse will be found at the ocean–but not, if the corpse is hooked at one of the stone.

ps. i love you.